Ever since I got engaged, I’ve been perusing Pinterest far more than I’d like to admit. I’m also a huge quote junky, loving bits of truth and inspiration to remind myself to stay grounded, confident, aware, and present. I found this little pin today and for whatever reason, it landed pretty hard.
I’m someone who really loves change. I’m almost always thinking about what’s next, which can get me into trouble at times, but mostly keeps me really excited about life’s potential opportunities and journeys. My typical state is: enthusiastic, lighthearted, and very optimistic.
This year, however, has been strangely challenging. All of these incredible things are happening and getting done and moving forward, yet I can’t shake this weird weight off my shoulders. I go from wanting to completely drop everything I’m involved in, to pouring myself relentlessly into projects and side hustles. I go from only wanting to sleep, to exercising a ton and making amazing meals for myself. I go from thinking I’m a badass, to wondering how much potential I really have.
I know I’m not the only one who thinks this way, but what I’ve found as of late is how exhausting it is. Living in the “should do this” and “should have done that” and “why aren’t you this” and “I wonder why’s” is truly deflating.
If you’ve followed my blog or know a little about my story, you know that I’m on this obsessive minimalism bandwagon. And truthfully, I think that’s where the weight comes from, knowing that life can be so much simpler than me dragging 20 different projects behind me at any given moment. I was talking to a friend about how tiring it can be to have something every single weekday and she just shrugged and said, “I don’t really have that in my life.” All the while, I’m thinking to myself, must be nice. And that statement is powerful because it meant I (at one point) believed that I couldn’t have that. That “it must be nice” meant I didn’t have the power to choose my path, my present, my future.
I’m in a transition of peeling layers and layers of self-created expectations and other stories and trying to find simplicity. And it’s really exhausting because I fear disappointment, I hate quitting things, and I definitely don’t like “not having things to do” (whatever that means). But I want focus, I want less, I want and crave meaningful time with friends and family without thinking about all the things that need to get done.
I want to transition to my most beautiful self, but it’s going to take a lot of adjustment along the way and the mental roadblocks are totally real. The thing is, I know how to say no. I know that every single day, I get to choose where my time and energy goes, but the power of habits and routines keep me in the same cheery “oh, sure I’d love to!” place. Transition takes courage and it also takes grit, a couple things I am slowly learning.
Is anyone else feeling the load and wanting to lift it? This isn’t a cry for help, but an opportunity to share that “the girl who is doing so many things” is really tired of doing so many things. And if there are souls in this world who are feeling the same, I would love to chat about it in person.❤